FJM'ing Jemele Hill

I'm not a fan of Jemele Hill.  At all.  She's a loves the Race Card and shock writing and when she's not doing that, she is trying to be as clever as Rick Reilly used to be and failing as much as Rick Reilly does currently.  So when I read her latest turd from South Africa, I had to give it the "Fire Joe Morgan" treatment.  Here we go.

 

PORT ELIZABETH, South Africa -- There has been so much petulancy, ego and spoiled behavior at the World Cup that it makes Brett Favre's annual antics look downright magnanimous.

Futbol, meet football.  Americanized!

Diva must be in the water, and drama is certainly permeating the air in South Africa.

And dissension is infecting all the hookers!  Also where can I buy this "Diva" to put in my water?  It sounds tasty!

France staged a protest against its own coach. And the English players and their head man, Fabio Capello, appear to have a deeper split than Jesse James and Sandra Bullock.

There's nothing like bringing a pop culture reference from 6 months ago into the fold.  That takes Rick Reilly's brand of effort. 

No matter how much criticism the U.S. team received, the players maintained their professionalism. Contrast that to France's soccer team, which I've nicknamed The Bold, The Beautiful and The Disappointing. Although, I'm not sure that's quite as clever as the Guardian blogger who called France, "Le Sulk."

Le Sulk?  Doesn't Jay Cutler have that nickname trademarked?  Also, Jemele, you write for a living.  Your nickname isn't anywhere near as clever as a blogger's.  Bested by a Parents' Basement Dweller.  That's sad.

"We are taking note of the indignation of the French people and ... calling for dignity and responsibility," Sarkozy told a French television station. By that logic, Dan Snyder and Mike Shanahan should put in a call to President Barack Obama to help them deal with Albert Haynesworth. Quick, somebody revive the Warren Commission!

Because the Redskins are the national team of America?  I thought it was the Cowboys.  Or Steelers.  Or Patriots.  Or Not the Redskins.  Also:

/Wiki's "Warren Commission"

Yeah, that reference doesn't work, either.

It's not just France that's getting cheeky. After two consecutive draws and scoring just one goal in 180 minutes of play, England's team looks like it's in need of Ron Artest's therapist.

Because they're going to bust into the crowd and start swinging?  Actually, scratch that, it might happen.

The English players called a team meeting after a 0-0 tie against underdog Algeria, when they were supposed to air their grievances, but Capello had other ideas. Capello reportedly silenced the players ... at their own meeting. He barred them from giving their opinions on what's wrong with the team.

I wonder if there's a good Football analogy for this sentence about Futbol.

Makes Bill Belichick look positively touchy-feely.

THERE it is.

After being booed unmercifully following the Algeria match, England's Wayne Rooney, who might be putting in the most disappointing performance of any major star at the World Cup, looked into the cameras and sarcastically told England's fans, "It's nice to get booed by your own fans. Very loyal." Or words to that effect.

Or words to that effect.  Was he speaking Turkish?  Did his brogue cover up the actual words?  Was it actually The Queen Mum talking? 

Well-paid sports figures who have come up small on the big stage? Millionaires who complain when they don't receive unconditional love after not meeting expectations? We're familiar with that, but the practice is far from being as American as apple pie.

Professor Wuhl agrees!

But as this World Cup has shown, there's no such thing as the "ugly American." Just ugly people.

Ever been to Jersey?  PLENTY of "ugly Americans" there.

So about that Not-So-Perfect-Game...

I know it has been awhile since I last wrote something.  I have something in the pipeline about Miami University, my wonderful Alma Mater, but it isn't ready yet.  So here's my take on Armando Galarrga, Jim Joyce, and The Commissioner's decision.

By now, I'm last to the party, as per usual, to tackle a subject.  But there is benefit to this.  I have seen the reaction of Major League Baseball, of all the pundits, of all the players of all the bloggers and everyone else I haven't yet mentioned.  Having weighed everything, all the opinions, all the "coulda woulda shoulda" of the situation, I would not have changed a thing.

Baseball is a game played and officiated by humans.  Errors occur in baseball (they keep track of them in the box score!) and from time to time the occur by people not wearing a team's uniform.

Such was the case with Jim Joyce's call in the ninth two nights ago.  He blew it.  He said he blew it. He was destroyed in every forum, from a very public boo'ing at the hands of the Detroit faithful in Comerica Park, from bloggers, tweeters and columnists the next day, even his Wikipedia page was edited, re-edited, re-re-edited and now locked because of his call. 

Meanwhile, Armando Galarraga, someone you probably thought retired many years ago, is left with a masterful night that should have, admittedly, been much different.  The kid went out and pitched the 21st Perfect Game in MLB history.  But he didn't.  He's left with a 1-hit, complete game shutout.

And that's exactly what should have happened.

What's the alternative?  What happens if Bud Selig comes out and overturns Jim Joyce's call (yeah, he didn't)?  My informal survey of Tigers' fans would applaud it.  And some (shining example: Olbermann) have pointed to a precedent to change perfect games and no hitters. 

That's all well and good, but those occurrences changed the way we look at statistics.  Change this ruling and then every umpire in the big leagues tightens up their own "strike zones" before every close play.  Would you want to be the umpire with the most league overturns?  Or maybe they start calling the games a little looser because, hey, if they screw up then the league can come in and make it alllllll better!

The argument brought to the forefront in all of this is that for instant replay.  The calls on twitter following the play were very much in favor of it.  Curt Schilling wants it.  The aforementioned Olbermann wants it.  ESPN.com's Senior baseball writer Jayson Stark wants it.  But as a friend of mine posited just hours after the Joyce Call, the likelihood that a call of this magnitude has the chance to occur ever again is minute at the very best.  The knee-jerk reaction is common in the world of the 24-hour news cycle and that's probably why we see opinions like this.

But baseball has never been like this and it shouldn't change because of one freakishly missed call.

Pardon me for tapping my inner George Will but purely from the competitive side of this story, nothing is different from "out 27" to "out 28" two nights ago.  The Tigers still won, Galarraga got said win and Fausto Carmona got the Loss.  Those facts would not change if there were a perfect game.  This is undeniable. 

Joyce got the call wrong.  But baseball got the call, unfortunate though it may be, right.