FJM'ing Jemele Hill

I'm not a fan of Jemele Hill.  At all.  She's a loves the Race Card and shock writing and when she's not doing that, she is trying to be as clever as Rick Reilly used to be and failing as much as Rick Reilly does currently.  So when I read her latest turd from South Africa, I had to give it the "Fire Joe Morgan" treatment.  Here we go.

 

PORT ELIZABETH, South Africa -- There has been so much petulancy, ego and spoiled behavior at the World Cup that it makes Brett Favre's annual antics look downright magnanimous.

Futbol, meet football.  Americanized!

Diva must be in the water, and drama is certainly permeating the air in South Africa.

And dissension is infecting all the hookers!  Also where can I buy this "Diva" to put in my water?  It sounds tasty!

France staged a protest against its own coach. And the English players and their head man, Fabio Capello, appear to have a deeper split than Jesse James and Sandra Bullock.

There's nothing like bringing a pop culture reference from 6 months ago into the fold.  That takes Rick Reilly's brand of effort. 

No matter how much criticism the U.S. team received, the players maintained their professionalism. Contrast that to France's soccer team, which I've nicknamed The Bold, The Beautiful and The Disappointing. Although, I'm not sure that's quite as clever as the Guardian blogger who called France, "Le Sulk."

Le Sulk?  Doesn't Jay Cutler have that nickname trademarked?  Also, Jemele, you write for a living.  Your nickname isn't anywhere near as clever as a blogger's.  Bested by a Parents' Basement Dweller.  That's sad.

"We are taking note of the indignation of the French people and ... calling for dignity and responsibility," Sarkozy told a French television station. By that logic, Dan Snyder and Mike Shanahan should put in a call to President Barack Obama to help them deal with Albert Haynesworth. Quick, somebody revive the Warren Commission!

Because the Redskins are the national team of America?  I thought it was the Cowboys.  Or Steelers.  Or Patriots.  Or Not the Redskins.  Also:

/Wiki's "Warren Commission"

Yeah, that reference doesn't work, either.

It's not just France that's getting cheeky. After two consecutive draws and scoring just one goal in 180 minutes of play, England's team looks like it's in need of Ron Artest's therapist.

Because they're going to bust into the crowd and start swinging?  Actually, scratch that, it might happen.

The English players called a team meeting after a 0-0 tie against underdog Algeria, when they were supposed to air their grievances, but Capello had other ideas. Capello reportedly silenced the players ... at their own meeting. He barred them from giving their opinions on what's wrong with the team.

I wonder if there's a good Football analogy for this sentence about Futbol.

Makes Bill Belichick look positively touchy-feely.

THERE it is.

After being booed unmercifully following the Algeria match, England's Wayne Rooney, who might be putting in the most disappointing performance of any major star at the World Cup, looked into the cameras and sarcastically told England's fans, "It's nice to get booed by your own fans. Very loyal." Or words to that effect.

Or words to that effect.  Was he speaking Turkish?  Did his brogue cover up the actual words?  Was it actually The Queen Mum talking? 

Well-paid sports figures who have come up small on the big stage? Millionaires who complain when they don't receive unconditional love after not meeting expectations? We're familiar with that, but the practice is far from being as American as apple pie.

Professor Wuhl agrees!

But as this World Cup has shown, there's no such thing as the "ugly American." Just ugly people.

Ever been to Jersey?  PLENTY of "ugly Americans" there.

So about that Not-So-Perfect-Game...

I know it has been awhile since I last wrote something.  I have something in the pipeline about Miami University, my wonderful Alma Mater, but it isn't ready yet.  So here's my take on Armando Galarrga, Jim Joyce, and The Commissioner's decision.

By now, I'm last to the party, as per usual, to tackle a subject.  But there is benefit to this.  I have seen the reaction of Major League Baseball, of all the pundits, of all the players of all the bloggers and everyone else I haven't yet mentioned.  Having weighed everything, all the opinions, all the "coulda woulda shoulda" of the situation, I would not have changed a thing.

Baseball is a game played and officiated by humans.  Errors occur in baseball (they keep track of them in the box score!) and from time to time the occur by people not wearing a team's uniform.

Such was the case with Jim Joyce's call in the ninth two nights ago.  He blew it.  He said he blew it. He was destroyed in every forum, from a very public boo'ing at the hands of the Detroit faithful in Comerica Park, from bloggers, tweeters and columnists the next day, even his Wikipedia page was edited, re-edited, re-re-edited and now locked because of his call. 

Meanwhile, Armando Galarraga, someone you probably thought retired many years ago, is left with a masterful night that should have, admittedly, been much different.  The kid went out and pitched the 21st Perfect Game in MLB history.  But he didn't.  He's left with a 1-hit, complete game shutout.

And that's exactly what should have happened.

What's the alternative?  What happens if Bud Selig comes out and overturns Jim Joyce's call (yeah, he didn't)?  My informal survey of Tigers' fans would applaud it.  And some (shining example: Olbermann) have pointed to a precedent to change perfect games and no hitters. 

That's all well and good, but those occurrences changed the way we look at statistics.  Change this ruling and then every umpire in the big leagues tightens up their own "strike zones" before every close play.  Would you want to be the umpire with the most league overturns?  Or maybe they start calling the games a little looser because, hey, if they screw up then the league can come in and make it alllllll better!

The argument brought to the forefront in all of this is that for instant replay.  The calls on twitter following the play were very much in favor of it.  Curt Schilling wants it.  The aforementioned Olbermann wants it.  ESPN.com's Senior baseball writer Jayson Stark wants it.  But as a friend of mine posited just hours after the Joyce Call, the likelihood that a call of this magnitude has the chance to occur ever again is minute at the very best.  The knee-jerk reaction is common in the world of the 24-hour news cycle and that's probably why we see opinions like this.

But baseball has never been like this and it shouldn't change because of one freakishly missed call.

Pardon me for tapping my inner George Will but purely from the competitive side of this story, nothing is different from "out 27" to "out 28" two nights ago.  The Tigers still won, Galarraga got said win and Fausto Carmona got the Loss.  Those facts would not change if there were a perfect game.  This is undeniable. 

Joyce got the call wrong.  But baseball got the call, unfortunate though it may be, right.

10 Cent TV Critic - "The Good Guys"

When I was in college, I took a course called Audience Analysis and now I think of myself as a television expert.  Having said that, I watch a lot of television.  Too much.  Waaaaay too much.  But it won't stop me from telling the world (!!) what I think in this, the 10 Cent TV Critic.  Today, Fox's newly premiered "The Good Guys"

My favorite television show of all time was "The West Wing".  I loved everything about that show, from the pilot to the finale and everything, including the incredibly "meh" 5th season, in between.  I'm a huge Sorkin fan (apologist?) and will consider anything he touches gold.  Even his appearance on Entourage last year.

Bradley Whitford's Josh Lyman was one of my favorite characters on "The West Wing" and I have been a fan since his immortal turn in "Billy Madison".  Naturally I had an interest in what he was up to these days.  That would be our topic du jour, "The Good Guys" on Fox.  I'll let the always comical Warming Glow bring us up to speed:

"Okay, there’s two cops, right? One of them’s a young guy, and his partner — GET THIS — an old, washed-up cop. *kisses fingers* Groundbreaking stuff. It stars a now-hefty Bradley Whitford (Josh Lyman from “The West Wing”) and Colin Hanks."

No, it isn't too groundbreaking.  But here are some things it had going for it, before watching frame 1:

• Good lead actors, including Whitford and Tom Hanks' son Colin Hanks.  
• Matt Nix producing, which wouldn't have meant a thing a few years ago, but since USA's "Burn Notice" is burning it up on cable (see what I did there????), there's some considerable clout.
• Tim Matheson directed the pilot.  He's done the same with several good episodes of "Burn Notice" and  "The West Wing"
• The Fox Preview Effect.  Here are two shows that Fox ran as previews, gave some summer love to and then built an image around: "The O.C." and "Glee".

But then there is the actual pilot.  To be honest, it was well North of decent.  The writing was surprisingly crisp for a pilot and the show's pace was impressive to say the least.  Colin Hanks did his part but the show was stolen by Whitford, whose 70s tough guy cop was hysterical and entertaining throughout.  And that mustache.  My goodness.  You could clean a floor with it.

There are fixes that need to be made.  The show operates as, basically, a 4-character show, which works fine for Nix in "Burn Notice", but shouldn't hold water on Fox ("Glee" is the prime example, with about 12 leads and 25 other characters) so that needs to be addressed.  Also how many crimes, exactly, go from routine investigation to ZOMG MURDER?1!!! even on a television show?  (Aside: I know, I know, point out your plot-holes elsewhere, dickbag.  But still: there better be more to the show than this, because that arc is only good for four or five episodes.  Having said that, every episode of Law and Order was like that for 20 years. This is why I got a C+ in the aforementioned Audience Analysis class).

Bottom line: if Nix and Whitford (also an EP) want to stay on TV in the fall (Fox has it slated on Fridays to begin, which is terrible) they have a great foundation to build on.  They just need to do the requisite architecting and contracting to make it work.

Prediction: Summer to half-season on Friday is a tough place to start, especially on Fox.  The show needs to build a strong base this summer or else it may not get through the 20-episode order.  I hope it does, I'd guess it will, unfortunately, not.

Let's see if blogging via e-mail works.

"Bookkeeping" is one of my favorite words in the English language.  Look at it.  Three consecutive double letters.  Yes, these are the idiot things that keep me going on a daily basis.  That's miserably sad.  Jesus, when did I become Andy Rooney?

Anyway, I want to take care of some bookkeeping work for this whole blog thing.  For one, I'll be doing a majority of posting via E-mail because blogger doesn't have a BlackBerry client of which I'm aware, and the site itself is blocked by my work's firewall.  This is annoying, but so is government work.  And because of the aforementioned horseshit lack of availability of Google Image results, I'm not sure about images working from the e-mails.  Will they? Let's try one:

If that didn't work, you missed out on some good Arrested Development referencing.  If it did, then woot.

Hey, that kinda worked only after I fixed it when I got home.  Good to know.

I'm in a pretty shitty mood at work today because I was asked to stop using Google Talk (GChat) at work by one of my supervisors so that I "wouldn't get in trouble" with the much, much more powerful managers in my office.  10 minutes later, I got shat on by one of the more powerful managers.  So someone opened their fucking mouth, which is awfully upsetting. 

Generally speaking, I'm content at work, but certainly not fulfilled.  This is an easy job that a lot of people make look a lot more difficult by being morons.  People fall asleep on the clock here and get wrist-slapped.  I use gchat and get bitched at by two different supervisors.  I've grown tired of and used to it by now. 

At some point I'll get out of here.  Maybe get some more education and get a better job.  Or I'll rot here with the rest of the lifers.

I swear there's not that much angst but I need a place to publicly bitch about things, so this will have to suffice.

But, hey, how about some big ups to these guys:

Here's a "Tex message" for you and the rest of your team: cram it with walnuts, assholes.

I hate the Yankees.

Here I go again.

I'm going to be perfectly frank, there is no freaking way that I'm going to ever update this as much as I'd like to or as much as I should or anything like that. I'll get over that. As I hope will the three people reading this that aren't me or spam followers on Twitter.

Anyway, I wanted to give myself something to do at work, now that they've blocked Blogger and Google Image results (note: not Google Image, itself, that still works just fine, but the results are blocked. Fucking joke.)

Also, yes I swear. Like a longshoremen.

So I'll post random thoughts, links, bullshit like that. I'll bitch about work, talk about golf and television and movies (I have horrible taste) and try to be funny while being the last person to start their own blog in hopes that Uproxx or Gawker will pick me up and get me the fuck out of the Courthouse.

So, while I don't hold my breath for that, I'm going to watch television and try to figure out how to e-mail in blog entries. Fun.